Suikoden Therapy
by PsychoLeopard
Summary: SIII. Because the characters need it, poor guys. Rating for themes and language. Hope you enjoy! Reviews will receive virtual cookies, flames will be used to heat my apartment.
1. Presession: The Patients

_Disclaimer and goodies: I don't own Suikoden, or its characters, plots, etc; Konami does. Please don't sue me, because I don't have enough money to hire a lawyer. This story is for Suikoden III, and definitely contains some SPOILERS! So, unless you finished the game, read at your own risk. The basic premise is that so many of the characters need therapy of some form or other…Oh, and don't forget to review!_

**Suikoden Therapy:**

"Good afternoon, everybody!" Mio greeted the room cheerfully as she opened the door into the hospital wing. She was dressed, as always, in her nurse uniform, and carrying a clipboard in one arm.

There was some grumbling and dark looks as she entered and took a seat, but no cheerful replies. Very few of the occupants were here of their own free wills.

Mio glanced around, taking stock of who was here. She blinked, her gaze settling on a brown-haired stranger sitting in one corner.

"And who might you be?" she asked curiously.

The strange girl pulled her pen out of her mouth. "I'm the fanfic author, and I need therapy just as much as any of them."

"Well, alright, I guess," Mio assented to her presence dubiously. She was very little fazed, however, and got right down to business. "Everyone, please be seated in a circle."

Most did not want to do this, but Mio was a nurse, capable of giving them vile concoctions the next time they were ill if they disobeyed her today. It was probably best to comply with her wishes, and get this over with as quickly as possible.

"Alright, let's go around the circle, and everyone can say their names and why they are here. Hugo, you start."

"Why me?" the Karayan demanded.

"Because you're the only Flame Champion candidate here, and everyone knows who you are," Mio replied calmly.

"So why do I have to introduce myself?" the teenager pressed.

"Please…just…speak," Mio begged.

Hugo shrugged. "I'm Hugo of Karaya."

"And why are you here, Hugo?"

Hugo tilted his chair back and looked at the ceiling. In a low, fast voice, he replied, "Becausemyvillageburneddownandmybestfrienddiedand I Have to Travel with a DUCK!"

Mio blinked. "Alright, we can work with that. Who's next?"

A blond man in armor scowled at the floor. "I'm Borus, of Zexen. And…"

"And he has problems," Hugo snorted.

Borus scowled at the Karayan. "Watch it, kid!"

"_I'm_ Kidd!" shrilled the detective.

"People, please. One at a time," Mio cried, trying to regain control of a rapidly degenerating situation. "Borus, why are you here?"

Borus looked back at the floor. "Because I let my emotions get out of control, and it's been haunting me ever since."

Mio nodded, pleased. "Very good. Next?"

"I'm Ace, and nobody appreciates me."

"Uh-huh, but why are you here, Ace?" Mio asked.

"Because he drinks too much, and got dumped," Kidd snickered. Ace kicked him.

"And you, Kidd?"

The detective shuddered and studied his hands. "While investigating for my clients, my life was threatened, multiple times." A few of the others chuckled at this, glad the nosy detective had gotten what he deserved.

"That's not nice!" Mio scolded. "You should support each other."

"Fat chance," snickered Ceaser, shooting dirty looks at his brother.

"Whose idea was it to include _them_?" demanded Borus, pointing to the four antagonists.

"And aren't they _dead_?" asked Hugo with some confusion and anger, staring at Luc and Sarah.

The fic writer cleared her throat. "Seeing as this is my fic, I brought them back. And you have to admit that some of them _really_ need therapy. Luc, for instance."

"I…want…to…die," Luc said in a sorrowful monotone. "Why won't you just let me _die_?"

"Master Luc, don't say such things," Sarah begged tearfully.

"Well, I guess we know why they need therapy," Ceaser remarked darkly.

"What about Landis?" Hugo asked, glancing at the winger who had remained silently in a corner until now.

"Yuh-huh-huh, the Grim Reaper will have us all," Landis announced. Borus shuddered.

"Oh, I get it," Hugo said densely.

"What about you two?" Mio asked.

"Have you met our employer?" asked Reed in a high-pitched voice.

"Don't anyone tell her about this, okay?" Samus requested hoarsely.

"Wouldn't dream of it," Hugo assured them, glancing at the door nervously.

"Alright," Mio said, mystified. "And you, Rody?"

Rody pressed his hands together between his knees. "I don't know."

The fic writer snorted and tapped her pen against her paper. "He's very messed up, thanks to Estella. Just…go with that."

Mio nodded. "Right." She turned to the boy sitting nervously next to Kidd. "And you?"

"I don't know what the deal here is," the big man on the boy's other side boomed belligerently, "but we're leaving right now!"

"Don't move a muscle!" the fic writer commanded, pointing her pen at the thief, who seemed fixed in place by her glare. "You're here, Billy, because you are a seriously dysfunctional family. The same goes for Ceaser and Albert, and for Goro."

"Now wait just a minute. I want nothing to do with Albert!" Ceaser protested.

Albert stiffened and said coldly, "It's not my fault if Ceaser is so far beneath my capacity that he feels inferior."

"I rest my case," the fic writer said, smirking. "And Goro has an unhealthy rivalry with his father. And he is obsessed with baths."

Mio made a note of this, and glanced at the ninja. "And you, Ayame?"

"…"

The nurse glanced at the fic writer for an explanation. The girl grinned broadly, and explained, "An obsession with killing Watari, without any sort of actions intended to accomplish the deed."

"…"

"Uh-huh," Mio said slowly. Then, she glanced at the Harmonian priest.

"I'm High Priest Sasarai. My brother betrayed me, and…and…he made my life meaningless!" The priest broke down in sobs. Luc gave his brother a look that said "How pathetic, but now you see my point."

"And lastly…" Mio turned reluctantly to the man in black who had remained sitting in a corner. She had run across this creature during the Second Fire-bringer War. She had often been in place as a support character, and been forced to patch up the Flame Champion after a run-in with the demon.

Yuber's mismatched eyes sparkled with malice and pure evil. "I like to kill things."

"Uh, yes." Mio made a short note on her clipboard, and then glanced around at everyone. "I think we have a few too many to do this efficiently, so perhaps it would be best if we did this in smaller groups. I'll see each of you at some point next week, alright?"

"They'll be here," the fic writer promised maliciously. She stood and walked across the room to the door. When Ace reached the door a second later, planning on heading down to Anne's bar for some booze, the girl was nowhere to be seen.

Luc and co teleported out of the castle, and the others dispersed with various feelings of foreboding. But alas, there was nowhere they could run from the sick machinations of a fic writer with an idea!


	2. Session 1: Family Therapy

_Here we go with the first session! Disclaimer remains the same. Oh, and please let me know if you think I forgot someone important!_

**Session 1: Family Therapy**

As Mio opened the door, the seven "patients" looked up with various degrees of resignation or annoyance pasted on their faces. The nurse gave them all a bright smile, and took a seat. "Will everybody please form a circle?" she asked pleasantly.

"Do we really have to be here?" demanded Albert condescendingly.

The door opened again, and the fic author stepped through. "No one goes anywhere until I allow it. So…you might as well all get comfortable." She gave them an evil grin, and took her place in the corner. "Please, don't let my presence bother you," she entreated, when the eight characters continued to stare at her.

Mio glanced down at her clipboard, and then turned to Goro. "Let's start with you, Goro. Why do you think you are in competition with your father?"

The bath-maker scowled at the floor, and replied sullenly, "He makes the best baths. People fall asleep in them. Just once, I want someone to fall asleep in _my_ bath."

The other six patients stared at him. Mio blinked, and then asked after an uncomfortable pause, "Have you tried _asking_ him what he does that is so special?"

"Baths, bah! He should grow up and act like a man. _Real_ men don't worry about baths," Billy said scornfully.

"That would explain why you smell like rancid meat," Ceaser suggested. Billy grew red in the face.

"Obviously, Goro feels inadequate about himself and his skills when compared to a master," Albert offered coolly. "Rather like someone _else_ here right now."

Ceaser twisted to face his brother. "You take that back!"

"You runt! Don't turn your back to me!" Billy roared, stretching out his hands to wring the red-haired strategist's neck. Albert smirked as Ceaser tried and failed to breathe.

"Uh, Dad?" asked Melville hesitantly.

"In a minute, son," Billy replied absently, as he continued to choke the life out of the younger Silverberg.

"Try using your thumbs," suggested Albert mildly. "You can crush his windpipe so much better that way."

"_You've_ been spending too much time with Yuber," Luc remarked in a disinterested voice.

Sasarai alone remained silent, staring at the floor morosely. Mio tried several times to detach Billy from Ceaser's neck, but it was no use. Finally, she looked pleadingly at the fic writer sitting in the corner.

"What? You want _me_ to stop him?" the writer asked in disbelief. Mio wrung her hands, and nodded. The writer sighed, and waved one hand in the direction of the struggling strategist and the murderous thief, who were instantaneously returned to their seats. "Obviously, we have some anger issues to sort out, too. Carry on, Mio."

The nurse stared for a moment at the scowling but motionless Billy, and cleared her throat. "Yes, well. Billy, you should really think about the kind of role model you are setting for your son. Do you ever consider Melville before you act?"

"Consider…Melville? Why in the world would I do that? He doesn't run my life."

Melville had gone small and silent, with his shoulders hunched.

"This is not working," Mio remarked.

"You just now realized that?" Caeser asked scathingly, massaging his neck.

Mio paused for a moment, embarrassed, and then continued. "We'll end for today. I want everyone to write down one thing you like about your family, and one thing you need to work on. You're free to go."

The "patients" vanished like holly bushes up against a six-man killer team, but the fic writer was gone even quicker. Mio was left alone with her clipboard, stymied as to how to handle all these problems.

_Well, should I keep going or not? I've written about three more chapters so far, but I won't post them if no one wants to read them. Please review and let me know!_


	3. Session 2: Obsession

_I guess you liked it! (Blushes) So, here's the next chapter, as promised. Disclaimer remains the same: I don't own it. 'Nuff said._

**Session 2: Obsession**

Mio held up a piece of paper with a black splotch on it. "Everybody, tell me what you see."

Borus seemed lost in awe. "Lady Chris."

"Idiot, it's a bath!" Goro negated.

"My True Wind Rune," Luc replied dully.

"It's Master Luc with his Rune," Sarah said dreamily.

Hugo scowled. "Ironheads burning my village."

"A clue!" cried Kidd triumphantly.

"Yuh-huh-huh, it is the Grim Reaper," Landis chortled.

"…" declared Ayame, arms folded as she peered out the window.

"It's a pool of blood!" Yuber announced gleefully. He drew his swords and stood, ready to slash everyone to pieces and create his own pool of blood.

"Yuber…sit," commanded the fic author. The demon abruptly found himself sitting, his swords missing. He glared and muttered under his breath.

The author smiled sweetly at him. "You always say that, but you never follow through." O.o

Mio pulled out another piece of paper. "And what do you see on this?"

"Lady Chris…" sighed Borus in rapture.

"A steaming bath!" Goro stated.

Mio sighed. This was going to take awhile.


	4. Session 3: Anger

_A/N: I'm so glad you're all enjoying this! I have heard the request for longer chapters, and once I get past the ones I've already written (1 more) I will make an attempt. Disclaimer remains the same._

**Session 3: Anger**

When Mio entered this time, she looked at no one before sitting. She cleared her throat several times before saying, "Today we are going to talk about anger." She ran her eyes over the group briefly, and focused on Sir Borus.

"What can you tell us about anger, Sir Borus?" she inquired. The knight stared at the floor.

"This is stupid. We all know what anger is," Billy announced.

"I don't understand why I'm here," Hugo piped up. "I'm not an angry person."

"Oh, really? So, if Chris walked through that door, you wouldn't turn red in the face and want to kill her?" the fic-writer asked sweetly.

"That's _Lady_ Chris to you!" Borus shouted, jumping out of his chair and turning to face the hapless author. "I'll teach you some respect!"

Hugo frowned, oblivious to Borus' ranting. "Well…"

"You see?" asked the author, also ignoring Borus, who was shouting in her ear, now. "You don't get angry in a general way, but around the Silver Maiden you lose your head. That constitutes anger."

"Anger in itself isn't necessarily bad," Mio explained, as Borus ran out of breath and epithets. "Everyone gets angry sometimes. It's what you do with that anger, and under the influence of that anger, that matter."

Billy's meager store of patience had run out. "Listen, woman! I don't need some half-brained phony therapist to tell me that I'm too angry!" He began to crack his knuckles. Hugo edged away from him slowly, eyes darting between the still standing blond knight and the belligerent thief. Mio, rather than trying to make herself heard over the shouting as Billy raised his voice, shut her mouth and sighed.

Borus turned to Billy with a fresh set of insults, which Billy returned in cruder form. Mio pulled several sheets of paper off her clipboard and handed one to Hugo. "Please read that, and try to implement the techniques this week," she requested, speaking loudly to be heard over the ruckus.

"Yeah yeah," Hugo muttered. He glanced at the fic writer. "Does that mean I can go?"

She waved a hand at him without turning from her fascinated study of the altercation. "Yes yes. Go ahead."

Hugo ducked around Billy, who was winding up to take a swing at Borus, and slipped out the door. He did not look back as a heard metal drawn and a loud shout, followed by silence.


	5. Session 4: Death

_Hehheh, I couldn't help myself with this one. The one after this will be longer, I promise. But you'll have to wait a few days for it! Thanks to everyone who reviewed! _

_Disclaimer: If I owned it, Yuber would have been in IV. He's not, I don't, and I'm not doing this for money._

**Session 4: Death**

For the fourth therapy session, Mio entered wearing armor. However, none of the patients really noticed, being too rapped up in their own cares. Yuber was studying his swords as if wondering why there was no blood on them. Luc seemed to be trying to loop a rope over a ceiling rafter. Landis was chuckling and hugging himself in the corner. Ayame was standing with her arms crossed, glaring out the window at Watari practicing in the yard. Hugo was the only one sitting in a chair, and he looked miserable. The fic author was in another corner, muttering over a list.

"Al-alright, everyone," Mio greeted her group as she sat. "Today's session will deal with death. So, if you will all sit down…"

"Yuh-huh-huh, Grim Reeaaaper," Landis chortled.

Yuber scowled and made his swords disappear before turning deliberately away from the nurse. Luc stared despondently at the rope that had failed for the fifth time to go over the beam.

"Um…could you all please be seated?" pleaded Mio.

"…" Ayame replied briefly, before narrowing her eyes and returning to her study of Watari.

Mio glanced helplessly at the fic writer, who was paying no attention.

"Excuse me?" Mio asked.

"…eight and ten, but I don't know their names. Then there are the people who pulled the fire alarm last week…Something really painful for them."

"Mistress author?"

The author lifted her head. "Huh? Did you need something?"

Mio gestured to her patients. "They aren't quite cooperating."

The author snorted. "Alright, fine." She waved her hand and they were suddenly in their seats in a circle.

"Happy?" she asked tartly, before returning her pen to her mouth and running a finger down her list.

"Thank you." Mio glanced at her clipboard and then looked at the ninja. "Ayame, would you mind telling us why you desire to kill Watari?"

"Heeheehee, _kill_!" exclaimed Yuber.

"…"

"Alright, we'll come back to you," Mio decided. "Hugo, how did you feel when your friend died?"

Hugo threw up his head like a deer caught in headlights. "I…I…Lulu…" He buried his head in his hands and sobbed.

Yuber brandished his swords. "I will put you out of your misery!" He jumped to his feet.

"Why won't you put me out of _mine_, then?" Luc asked dully, looking mournfully at the discarded rope.

"I could kill you both," Yuber offered, eyes lighting up with unholy glee at the prospect of _two_ killings at once.

"Yuh-huh-huh. The Grim Reaper will be most pleased," Landis declared.

The author glanced up. "No killing."

"But I want a bloodbath!" Yuber whined.

The author sighed, and then thrust the list she had been poring over towards Yuber. "_Fine_. Kill the people on this list. As painfully as possible, please."

Yuber took the list and frowned as he read it.

Mio and Hugo both stared in horror at the author. "M-ma'am," stammered Mio.

"Traitor!" shouted Hugo, jumping to his feet and drawing his knife. "You're one of _them_, aren't you!"

"…!" Ayame exclaimed.

"Yuh-huh-huh, the Grim Reaper favors you," Landis chuckled, rubbing his wings against the back of his chair.

The author stood and tossed her head, making her braid fly over her shoulder. Hands on her hips, she faced the group. "Oh, _please_. Now what's your problem? It's not anyone you know!"

"Killing is…is wrong," Mio stated.

"Heh. Who cares? Some people _deserve_ it. Isn't that right?" she asked, looking towards Yuber.

Yuber grinned. He mock-saluted and flourished his swords before teleporting away.

"That was easy," the author murmured. "You're on your own from here, Mio," she added. Suddenly, she was gone. Immediately, Hugo dashed for the door, with Ayame blinking there ahead of him. Even Landis seemed in a hurry to leave, now that nothing was holding him here. Luc sighed and gathered up his rope before teleporting away himself. Left alone in the room, Mio slowly gathered up her clipboard and headed for the door.


	6. Session 5: Family Revisited

_A/N: I do not own Suikoden, and unfortunately I do not have Yuber as my personal hitman. Alas, he is only a fictional character who has no substance in the physical world. (That's probably a good thing). I'm very glad so many of you have reviewed! I tried to make this chapter longer, but you'll have to be patient with me. Longer chapters require more ideas. That said, please enjoy. Oh, and if anything isn't canon…deal. As I said, it's not my game and I don't know all the backstories. (Note: edited for one teeny tiny error.)_

**Session 5: Family Revisited**

"Alright everyone," Mio greeted her disgruntled patients as she seated herself. "Your assignment for today was to think of one thing you like about your family, and one thing you need to work on. Who would like to start?"

"I will," Albert offered coolly. Surprised, Mio nodded for him to begin. "My family bears a long and distinguished history as first-class strategists, with a reputation that has been more than beneficial for me." He waited for Mio's nod before continuing. "However, my brother Caesar is not a first-class strategist."

The younger Silverberg was upright in a second. "Why you…shut up! Just…just…argh!" He threw himself at his brother, pulling hair and attempting to land a punch. However, being only a support character was not helping his situation.

"Get your hands off my coat!"

"No!" Caesar continued to struggle. Then Albert began to fight back—as much as a support character can, anyway.

Mio started towards them, then halted and looked helplessly at the fic author. "Should I…?"

The author shrugged. "Oh, let them fight. They are unlikely to harm one another."

"But…"

"They're relieving some pent-up tension." After a pause, she added, "It is a little sad to look at though, isn't it? What is Albert saying?"

"…Disgrace to the family name. You should never have been allowed out of the house without a nanny. Oh wait, I forgot. You have one, don't you?"

"You leave Miss Apple alone, you heartless snake! I'll rip you to shreds!"

"Oh, I'm so scared. When are you going to start this 'ripping'?"

"Argh!"

The fic writer held up her hand. "I think that's enough."

Caesar halted, and stomped back to his seat. Albert brushed himself off with composure and seated himself as well.

Mio studied her clipboard for a moment, and then asked, "Caesar, what do you like about your family, and what do you think you need to work on?"

"Um…our reputation…so I don't have to work so hard. But Albert's a prick!"

"How original," Albert murmured, just loud enough for Caesar to hear.

"Why you…"

"Shut up, both of you!" Billy roared. Caesar subsided and tried to ignore Albert's smirk.

"Billy, how about you?" Mio inquired.

"Uh…well…um…Melville's a good kid, I guess."

"Is there anything you want to improve?" Mio prodded him.

"Uh…yeah! I'm gonna hit treasure and get rich!"

"Okay…what about you, Melville?"

"My dad's the best treasure hunter! But…I wish he wouldn't hit me," he added in a soft voice.

"Very good," Mio praised him. "Goro?"

"My father makes excellent baths…but I'll never match him," Goro declared as he burst into tears. The other patients looked away or stared as their natures dictated.

Mio blinked, unsure of what to say. "Well…I'm sure you'll manage eventually."

Goro continued to sob, so Mio shrugged and turned to the identical bishops. "What about you two?"

Luc stared morosely out the window, while Sasarai studied the floor.

"…"

Luc turned away from the window and stated in a monotone, "My brother is a gullible and easy-to-manipulate pawn."

"…" Sasarai sighed.

Mio blinked. "Is that a good thing or a bad thing?"

"Oh, it's a good thing," Luc assured her.

"Then what do you need to improve?"

"My brother needs to learn to act for his own interests, instead of obediently doing what he is told."

"And you need to _not destroy the world_," Sasarai retorted.

"Now Sasarai, let's not shout," Mio chided him. "What do you like about your brother?"

Sasarai gaped at her for a moment. "What is there to like? He used me, betrayed Harmonia, initiated a war, killed indiscriminately, and attempted to annihilate half of the continent and destroy his true rune."

"Don't forget that he made your life meaningless," Albert reminded him helpfully.

"Only because my life was already meaningless," Luc pointed out.

"And," Sasarai added, "He's fought against me more often than with me. I hate him, and wish he had never come into my life!"

"That seems rather harsh to say," Mio protested.

"Well, it's true," Sasarai affirmed, and pouted.

"Oh, act your age," Luc snapped. "It's time you grew up."

"What did you say?"

"That you're childish. I suppose that explains your gullibility," Luc mused.

"So I'm a child, am I?" Sasarai asked coldly. If Luc had been looking at him instead of staring out the window again he might have noticed the cold light in his brother's eyes. Albert calmly stood and moved across the room, out of the way.

The rest of them were startled when the room suddenly shook.

Luc looked back at his brother, snarling. The symbol of his rune appeared in the air as he cast the Shredding. Melville yelped and ducked behind his father. Albert began building a barrier out of the miscellaneous furniture in the room, aided by Goro.

"That'll never work," Caesar informed him derisively.

"If you were building it, it wouldn't. _I_, on the other hand, am capable of considering the variables. If you wish to assist before Luc casts Funeral Wind, I will not dissuade you."

Caesar scowled for a moment, but as Luc dodged another of Sasarai's spells and raised his hand, he reached for his chair.

The fic writer calmly crossed the room to Mio. "You'll want to get behind the barrier, I think. Did you learn enough from this session?"

Mio gulped and nodded, eyes on the two dueling mages.

"Good. Let them battle it out. I'm gone." She vanished from the room. As soon as there was a break in the fighting, the others ran for the door.


	7. Session 6: Still Obsessed

_I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I did not intend to take this long to update, I swear! I had finals, and then my bunnies took a vacation without telling me…but here it is. I tried to make it longer, as promised. So, tell me what you think? Should I keep going? Oh, and much thanks to Sparrow Nightrunner and Kyrissean for acting as my muses and catching my mistakes in this chapter. _

_Disclaimer: If I owned it, I would be encouraged to write faster. Since I'm so slow at updating, obviously I don't._

**Session 6: Still obsessed**

Mio hadn't been certain that the fanfic author would return for the next session, so she was pleasantly surprised to find both the author and all her patients awaiting her when she entered the room. She frowned a little when she saw Geddoe standing beside the author in the corner.

"Um…why are you here, sir Geddoe?" she asked curiously.

"…"

The author laughed. "I thought we'd try some shock therapy today. But, well, since I'm not certain you even have electricity…I found the next best thing."

"Okay…"

"Don't worry about a thing," the author said, waving one hand airily. She stood and walked over to whisper to Mio while the patients shifted uncomfortably on their hard plastic chairs. When Mio began to smile, Hugo blanched and Borus scooted his chair a few feet away.

"Oh, I like that," Mio said with a smile.

"I thought you might," the author agreed, pleased. She returned to her chair. "You may proceed."

Mio sat down with composure and pulled out her clipboard. She passed out sheets of plain paper and pens to each patient. "Now, I want you to draw self-portraits. That doesn't sound too hard, does it?"

Yuber growled and made as if to protest, but yelled instead when a bolt of lightning struck him.

"Oh, I suppose I should warn you that lack of cooperation will result in punishment," Mio informed them sweetly.

With a great deal of grumbling, the patients got to work. After about ten minutes filled with muttered imprecations and questions about why the ink wasn't red, Mio called them back to attention.

"Alright, everyone. Let's share what you drew. Hugo, you first."

Hugo held up his drawing mutely. The picture was surprisingly well-done, depicting Hugo in the midst of a burning village. Mio nodded to herself and scribbled a note on her clipboard.

"Goro?"

Goro had drawn himself sleeping in a bath, of course. Borus' picture showed him saving Lady Chris from some undetermined monster. Sarah had forgotten to draw herself, so intent on getting Master Luc's eyes just right. Luc had shown his Rune in exquisite detail. Ayame had a frightfully realistic drawing of her decapitating Watari that had Borus looking uneasy. Landis had drawn a cloaked figure with a scythe, lacking wings. Yuber had drawn himself over something dead with drops of blood dripping off his twin swords. Kidd seemed to have followed directions the best, with a picture of himself, though with lines drawn on his face.

"What are the lines?' Mio questioned.

Kidd looked indignant. "My mask, of course! You don't get quite the same effect without red ink, but you'd think it would be obvious."

"Oh, of course. Forgive me," Mio said, and scribbled another note. "Alright. As you can all see, each of you included your obsession in your portraits. This is not healthy. So, set the drawings aside for the moment. Each of you will describe yourself, without mentioning your obsession. If you do, Sir Geddoe will shock you with his lightning rune. Do you understand?"

There was some uneasy shifting and muttering, but they all nodded.

"Alright," Mio said pleasantly. "Sir Borus, would you go first?"

Borus stood slowly, a little red in the face. "Er…well, I'm Sir Borus Redrum, one of the greatest of the six Zexen Knights—after Lady Chris, of cou…" He was cut off by a shock from Geddoe, and turned to glare at the Lightning Bearer.

"What was that for?" he demanded angrily.

Geddoe shrugged. "Just following orders."

Mio sighed. "Please, will you try again, Sir Borus?"

Borus turned away from Geddoe huffily and scowled at the floor. "Um…I came from one of the noblest families in Zexen, and fulfilled a long-standing tradition of honor and chivalry by entering the knighthood…"

Hugo interrupted Borus with a loud fake snore that had Borus turning red in the face again.

"What, do you think you can do better, Grassland scum?" he demanded, drawing his sword.

Hugo stood angrily to face the threat. Unfortunately, as he was only half Borus' height, the effect was not terribly threatening. "Watch it, Ironhead!" he began heatedly.

"Sir Borus, Lord Hugo, enough squabbling. Hugo, why don't you give it a try?"

Borus sat angrily, still glaring daggers at Hugo, and Hugo turned to face the others more fully.

"Alright. I'm Hugo of Karaya…or I was before _some_ stupid Ironhead burned it to the ground…"

_Zap._

"I mean…uh…I'm also the Flame Champion, so I can avenge Lulu's death…"

_Zap._

"Dang it! Alright, my mother is clan chief…and…um…I guess that's it." Hugo plopped down in his chair with a sigh of relief.

"Didn't you say you could do better?" Borus scoffed.

"I got further than you!" Hugo hissed.

"Enough!" Mio shouted. Both antagonists turned to her, surprised that she had finally raised her voice. Mio struggled visibly to regain her temper before asking, "Goro, would you kindly go next?"

Goro stood proudly. "I'm Goro, and I make baths…"

_Zap._

Goro flinched and went right on going. "My father is a famous bath-maker…"

_Zap._

"But I vow I will build a better bath!"

_Zaaaap._

"And all shall fear my immense bath-making skills!"

_Crack_. This time Geddoe used his Thor Shot, with the result that Goro was now unconscious on the floor (support character, don't you know).

Geddoe met the patients' stares with a shrug. "Too much?"

Most of the remaining patients were cringing. Yuber alone looked unconcerned.

"O-kay," Mio said, a little nonplussed. "Who would like to go next?"

"…"

"Yuber! It's very kind of you to volunteer!"

Yuber's eye twitched. "Kind?"

Mio cleared her throat and backed away a little. "Uh…I take that back. Please, describe yourself?"

"Fine then," Yuber pouted. "I'm a demon. I possess a True Rune. I like Chaos. I like war. I like killing things."

_Crack_.

Yuber materialized his swords with a flourish. "Bring it on, you pitiful dog!"

Rage suffused Geddoe's face, a sight few of the present party had seen before. He drew his own sword and pointed it at Yuber.

"At least I am fit to do more than follow orders given by a support character."

Evidently these were fighting words, for the next second saw the two immortals engaged in fierce combat. The remaining patients began edging towards the door and shooting hopeful glances at the author.

Suddenly Yuber tripped over Goro, leaving an opening for Geddoe to strike. In fury, Yuber stabbed Goro's lax body and then leapt at Geddoe again.

"Um, mistress author?" Mio asked tentatively.

The author, transfixed by the battle, uttered only a terse, "What?"

"Might we…go…please?"

"Yeah, go ahead."

Mio, Hugo, Borus, Ayame, Kidd, Sarah, and Luc all ran for the door, leaving Goro on the floor and Landis in the corner.

"Yuh-huh-huh. Grim _Reaaaper_."


	8. Session 7: An Unexpected Patient

_AN: Hey all! Aren't you proud of me, updating before the end of the summer again? Anyway, the idea behind this chapter came from Wind Omega—thanks! There might be a few errors, since I was too lazy to do research. I'm not sure it's as well done as the other chappies, but I figured I'd post it. Sorry it's so short.  
_

_Disclaimer: Still not mine._

**Session 7: An unexpected patient**

"Miss Mio?"

The nurse halted in the middle of the hallway and glanced over her shoulder. "Yes, Miss Apple?"

"Could I talk to you for a moment?" the strategist asked a trifle nervously.

"Of course." The two women stepped into an empty room and took seats on the unstable furniture.

"What did you want to talk about, Miss Apple?" Mio inquired politely.

"I understand that you've been conducting therapy sessions. Is this so?"

"Yes," Mio replied, still at a loss as to why Apple wished to speak to her.

"Well, you see, I know I'm not supposed to be there, but if you're giving therapy anyway…"

"Miss Apple, could you possibly explain what you want?"

"Oh, sorry. I'd feel better if I could just talk to you. Let my demons out, so to speak."

"Er…of course."

"Great. Did you know I've been a strategist in three wars like this one?"

"No, I did not," Mio said faintly.

"Well, I was. For the first one, I was just a student under Master Mathiu. That's Mathiu Silverberg. I wrote his biography, you know. I made that my mission right after the war, when he…died. And then I was involved in the Unification Wars fifteen years ago. I got the feeling that no one really respected me. I mean, I just seemed to bungle everything. So I had to find Shu…we were friends as children, but he had a difference of opinion with Master Mathiu and got expelled. Anyway, I was glad to see him again, but I was once again relegated to a superfluous position. And there was that one time when he knew I was going to mess up and he sent me anyway! And did you know I was married? Well, I was, and then the bastard cheated on me! He said I shouldn't have expected anything different, when I wouldn't satisfy him. As if he didn't ask _me_ to marry him, and not the other way around. Just another of my terrible decisions, I guess."

Apple paused to sigh dramatically, giving Mio a brief chance to speak. "So how did you end up here with Ceasar?"

"And that's another thing! Once again, I'm not trusted with the big decisions! I'm extraneous, second best. Or third, I suppose, if you take Salome into account. And I know he is a Silverberg, but sometimes it doesn't seem fair that he gets all the recognition even though he would forget to tie his shoelaces if I didn't remind him!"

"Shoelaces?" Mio echoed faintly, more than a little taken aback by the sudden anger Apple was showing.

"And Albert! How dare he stray from Mathiu's ideals?" she demanded, conveniently forgetting that Albert had been taught by Leon and not Mathiu. "I never would have expected him to turn out that way as a child. And oh! I just don't know what to do anymore."

Mio sat quite still once Apple was done rambling, wondering how to handle to situation. She rather wished for some assistance—anyone would do. She certainly hadn't been expected to be _asked_ to listen to someone's life story in a nutshell. And yet…she couldn't just leave Apple like this. There was far too much pent-up tension there. That the strategist had dealt with it this long showed admirable self-restraint, but how long until she snapped?

"Alright," Mio said finally. "Why don't we start at the beginning for now? Tell me about Mathiu, and how you felt about the war and his death."

That opened the floodgate once again. Mio dutifully took notes, and found herself wishing for the dubious distraction of one of her more restless patients, who could always be counted on to end a session early.


	9. Session 8: The Leftovers

_AN: About two chapters ago, I realized that I forgot these guys. So I'm doing them now. I probably won't update again until after the summer, unless inspiration strikes me. Speaking of which…I have one more idea for a chapter, but after that I would love suggestions! (Other than to make them longer). I'm afraid this chapter might not be quite as long(3 ½ pages), but I made the attempt. Oh, and virtual cookies to Kuroi Neko-kun, R2K2J, Lily Silver, and Wind Omega for reviewing the last two chapters.  
_

_Disclaimer remains the same…it's not mine._

_

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_  
**Session 8: The Leftovers**

Mio surveyed her patients for the day, and frowned. There were only four this time, and three of them had similar problems. As for the other…

The fanfic author pulled a card from her notebook and handed it to Ace. "Here. Why don't you give this a try?" she suggested.

"AA?" he queried, frowning drunkenly at the card.

"Alcoholics Anonymous. It's a wonderful organization for people like you…so off you go for now!" Ace vanished with a small _pop_, and the author gestured for the others to begin.

Mio sat slowly. "Right. Well. I do apologize for not getting to you until now, but, well, here we are. Now, if I understand it right, Reed and Samus are here because of Lilly, and Rody is here because of Estella."

Silence met this pronouncement. Mio cleared her throat. "Well then. Perhaps it would be best if we began with a discussion. Reed, Samus, how are you treated?"

The two exchanged brief glances before launching into rants.

"She treats us like…"

"She's always giving orders as if…"

"…dogs that she can…"

"…we were her slaves, which…"

"…kick around as she pleases…"

"…we practically are, because…"

"It's always 'I want an ice cream' or…"

"…how do you say 'no' to her father?"

"…'what did you do with the money?'"

"...It makes me just want to…"

"…Never-mind that _she's_ the one…"

"…strangle her with her purse or…"

"…_spending_ all the money! And then…"

"…smother her with the stupid hat…"

"…she yells at us for the least little…"

"…we have to do all the dirty work…"

"…mistake, but Runes forbid you…"

"…but Runes forbid she do anything…"

"…point out _her_ mistakes. Of course…"

"…except stand around and give orders…"

"…she's too _proud_ to admit anything…"

"And I want out!"

"And I want out!"

Mio looked a little taken aback, and Rody was staring in amazement at the two.

"Well, that's a start, I guess. What about you, Rody?"

Rody straightened in his chair. "Oh, Estella's nothing like that! In fact, she's very knowledgeable about magic, and she's very helpful."

"How is she helpful?" Mio inquired.

"She's always giving me hints. Like paddling twenty laps in the bath to improve water magic. Or standing in Bright's fire to improve my fire-magic. That sort of thing," Rody explained with animation.

Reed and Samus exchanged bemused glances, and Mio seemed displeased. "I'm beginning to see the problem," she murmured. She made a few more marks on her clipboard, and then looked up.

"Okay. You two have an abusive employer. We'll have to work with that. And Rody, Estella is a chronic liar who is not helping you in any way. You need to distance yourself from her…"

Rody stood up, suddenly angry. "She is _not_ a liar! She is the best magician in the world! And…and…_I_ want to be a magician, too!"

Samus snorted in disbelief. "Look, kid. The way to improve magic is to take lessons from Emily or a tutor. _Not_ to paddle water or get fried by a dragon."

"Is _too_," Rody insisted.

"Even Lilly wouldn't claim such a thing, and she surely would just to annoy us," Reed put in.

"You're just jealous," Rody declared. "Because my mistress has done great things and has great power, and yours is just a brat!"

"Hey now!" Reed protested, looking around wildly.

Samus seemed less worried. "This isn't a contest about our mistresses, because they're both terrible…"

"Estella is _not_ terrible. She's terrific!" Rody insisted.

Samus simply continued over Rody. "…this is about getting help for our problems."

"I _don't have a problem!_" Rody shouted.

Mio was unfazed, merely nodding. "Would you sit please? I understand your feelings, and there's no need to shout. Mistress Author, have you anything to add?"

The author nodded briefly. "Yes. He didn't mention the _lovely_ firefly rune Estella put on him. He's always the target in battle, poor guy."

"It's for _training_," he insisted half-heartedly, sinking into his chair.

Mio turned away from him, giving him time to cool off. Facing the other two, she said, "Now, let's see what we can do about you two. I'm sure we can manage _something,_ at least."

They both breathed identical sighs of relief. "We will be so glad…" Samus began.

Just then, the door crashed open. In the door stood a fire-breathing monster with a horrible hat. (No, not Bright, Lilly)

"Reed! Samus!" she screeched. "Where have you _been_? You were supposed to give me a foot massage after my bath _half an hour _ago! You are _not_ supposed to go off on your own unless I tell you to! What if I need something? Did you ever think of that? My father will hear about this!" She paused in her scolding and looked around the room with some confusion, taking in the plastic chairs and the austere environment. "Uh…what _are_ you morons doing?"

Reed explained hastily, "It isn't out fault! One minute we were waiting outside the baths for you, and the next we were _here_. They say we need therapy."

Lilly sniffed. "Well. Maybe they can therapize you into better servants. Now come on. I need to go shopping in Iksay." She spun to head out the door, obviously expecting them to follow.

"How is she gonna pay for anything?" Samus muttered under his breath.

"What was that?" Lilly demanded fiercely, spinning to face him menacingly.

"Nothing, milady," Reed assured her as he rose. "Nothing at all."

Samus glowered at her back, but he also rose and made for the door.

Mio looked for a moment at the doorway, then at Rody. "I suppose we are done for the day."

"Good," Rody said shortly. He scurried out, muttering about finding a bowl of soup to cool.


	10. Session 9: Relationships

_AN: I am so, so sorry. I did not mean to go this long without an update (almost 4 months, yikes!). I wish I had a good excuse, but I really don't. So I will only say that I am extremely sorry, and blame it on my muse-bunnies, who skipped to Jamaica without telling me. Chocolate chip cookies to the six people who reviewed since my last post. This isn't very long, and I apologize for that, too, but I thought you might like to have this now rather than in another four months._

_One more thing. This chapter may make more sense if you have read Kyrissean's fic "How to Catch Bishounen." If you haven't, GO READ IT. It won't kill you. Promise.  
_

_Disclaimer: Must I say it? But I don't want to. :pouts: Fine. I don't own Suikoden, I'm merely borrowing its characters for a little while. I can't even lay claim to the "I-statement," because that's one of the three things I remember from 7th grade Speech. Anyway, please enjoy._

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Session 9: Relationship Therapy**

When Mio entered the therapy room this time, it was to find a very uncomfortable Chris Lightfellow hunched in one of the plastic chairs. The cause of her discomfort might only have been being in this room, where so many strange things had taken place. More likely, it was because of the proximity of her knights.

Borus and Percival had both pulled their chairs close to Lady Chris, while the other three had eschewed the chairs altogether, preferring to stand behind her. They were practically breathing down her neck. Leo made a particularly imposing figure in his spiked mail, but Roland and Salome had not exactly backed off, either. Added to that, the knights were so busy shooting heated glares at one another that not one of them noticed their captain's discomfort.

They were not the only patients for this session, of course. They were merely the most conspicuous. Nash was seated three seats away from the White Hero, to Percival's left. Doubtless he believed Percival was the least likely to rip his arms off for looking at Lady Chris, as he was currently doing. His smile was not _quite_ leering, but it was a close thing. Ace was seated to Nash's left, tipping his chair back on its back legs as far as it would go. Lastly, to round out the group, were Franz and Iku, seated next to one another two seats to Borus' right. Iku eyes were on her hands folded in her lap, but Franz was staring with a hungry expression at Nash, of all people. This should certainly be an interesting session.

Mio took her seat and cleared her throat. She made a show of fidgeting with her clipboard. "Could everyone please sit down, so we may begin?" she asked politely. She had not donned any armor for this session, hoping that it would prove unnecessary. Now that she was here, however, she was beginning to doubt her decision.

Lady Chris glanced up, her confusion evident in the lack of her usual icy expression. "Excuse me. I don't quite understand what I'm doing here. What's going on?"

Most of the rest of the "patients" seemed similarly perplexed. Of the two with similar experiences in the past, Ace was twiddling his thumbs, paying absolutely no attention, and Borus was flushing bright crimson and studying the tips of his iron boots.

Mio cleared her throat, clearly uncomfortable, and explained, "This is a therapy session."

"What sort of therapy?" inquired Percival curiously, leaning forward.

"Relationship therapy."

Chris blinked. "Excuse me?"

"You know…for people who are having relationship troubles," Mio clarified.

"But…why am I here?" Chris asked, thoroughly puzzled.

Mio made a show of checking her clipboard, so she did not have to meet the knight's gaze. "Because you are so completely unaware of the fact that half of the men you've met are infatuated with you." Chris' knights suddenly took great interest in the floor, the ceiling, and the recently repainted walls.

"What?"

Nash grinned at the oblivious hero. "With such beauty and poise, how could we not be smitten?"

Leo growled, reaching a hand for his confiscated axe, while Roland physically restrained Borus.

"I thought you had a wife," Salome remarked quietly.

Nash chuckled and made a show of relaxing in his chair. "Oh, yeah. My missus is a fearsome lady. Almost a match for this one."

"No one's a match for Lady Chris," Borus declared heatedly. "And you sure as hell better keep your unwanted attentions away from her."

"Surely the lady can rebuff my 'unwanted attentions' for herself…if she wants to, that is." Nash smirked.

"Why you!" Borus snarled, jerking against Roland and Salome, who were now both holding him back. Chris was sitting quite still, red-faced, plainly wishing she were anywhere else. Nash yawned pointedly.

"Frankly, I don't see why I'm here," the spy remarked.

"Or me!" Ace interjected, the shouting having gotten his attention.

Mio sighed. "You, Nash, try to seduce every woman in sight despite the fact that you're married to a woman who could most likely tear you to pieces. Ace, you simply try to seduce every woman in sight, usually in an unflattering and disgusting manner. This has led you to a string of failed relationships."

"Hey, no need to be so mean about it!" Ace protested. He pulled a bottle out of his shirt and took a swig. Obviously, his AA meetings were not very productive.

Mio turned to Franz and Iku, who were still sitting quietly. "You two just seem to need a little communication." Iku nodded thoughtfully, but Franz was staring at Percival.

"Franz? Franz?" Mio prodded.

Iku shook his arm. He turned to face her. "What?"

She sighed. "Mio was just saying that we need to communicate more."

"We communicate just fine," Franz snapped. He turned back to staring at the knights, this time at Borus.

Iku sighed again. "I'm sorry. He's been like this for days now."

"Oh?"

"Something about bishonen." She shrugged. Nash raised an eyebrow, but didn't comment.

Mio scribbled something on a piece of paper and handed it to Iku.

"What's this?" Iku asked, puzzled.

_I feel (blank) when you (blank)_.

"This is called an 'I-statement.' It is used to clearly express how you feel about what another person has done or said. I think the two of you should practice using them," Mio explained.

"Alright," Iku agreed. She shook Franz's arm again, drawing his attention back to her. "Franz, I feel angry when you ignore me."

"Very good," Mio praised.

"Huh?" Franz asked, not having heard a word for the last minute.

"You'll have to forgive him, Iku," Nash said helpfully. "He was too enthralled in staring at Percival." He snickered. "Maybe that's who he should be in a relationship with."

"I'm not gay!" Franz protested. "I just don't understand why I'm not bishonen!"

Percival raised his eyebrows. "Is that what this is about?"

"Believe me, it's not worth it," Borus said with a shudder.

"Don't worry, Franz. _I_ think you're bishonen," Iku reassured him.

Chris blinked. "What's a bishonen?"

"I think we're getting a little off-track," Mio interrupted. "Chris, how does it make you feel when men argue over you?"

"When they do what?"

"Oh, Sadie save me," Percival groaned. Ace took another swig of alcohol.

"Did you really not realize that Borus and Percival were fighting over you?" Mio inquired.

"Is that what you think?" Percival asked.

"You mean you don't?" countered Borus. Percival muttered something inaudible and looked away.

"Borus, why don't you explain how you feel to Chris?"

Borus sputtered for a moment. Nash spoke into the opening, "I should think it was quite obvious."

"I've had about enough of you!" Borus growled. He lunged at Nash too quickly for any of his fellows to stop him, not that they particularly wanted to. He knocked Nash to the floor, pinning him under seventy pounds of armor as well as his own weight. Leo and Roland moved to pull him off. While he raged incoherently, Percival murmured to Lady Chris, "Care to sneak out?" She nodded, scarlet-faced, and stood. They edged around Borus, who was still struggling to get at Nash, and headed for the door.

Eventually, Borus calmed and reseated himself. Then he blinked and looked around. "Where is Lady Chris? And Percival?" After a moment, he realized what he had implied. His jaw dropped. "That traitor! That low-down no-good dirty rotten b-"

"Okay, that's enough for today!" Mio broke in, in a falsely cheerful voice. "Good progress today. You're free to go."

Borus stormed out of the room muttering imprecations. Leo, Roland, and Salome followed close behind, though whether to help or hinder their comrade was unclear. Nash sauntered out soon after, along with Franz, Iku, and Mio. Ace stayed behind to get thoroughly smashed.

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Don't forget to review! Flames will be used to heat my apartment. And laughed at. I could use a good joke.  
_


	11. Session 10: Anger Management

_AN: I'm terribly sorry for the long wait, but I was feeling uninspired. However, I did manage to put this up before March, which is the deadline I set for myself. So, apparently I can stick to a schedule. Expect the next chapter probably by June._

_Much thanks to my reviewers. You all rock. Virtual cookies for everybody._

_Oh yeah, and Mio might seem a little OOC. But really, after what I've put her through, she's bound to snap sometime._

_Disclaimer: If I owned Suikoden, do you think I'd be living in an apartment without turning on the heat in order to save on the electric bill, and living off of mac-and-cheese? I don't think so.

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_

**Session 10: Techniques for Anger Management**

As soon as she entered the therapy room, Mio knew it was going to be a rough session. Borus and Billy were already glaring at one another. As was usual lately, their weapons had wisely been confiscated. Not that they couldn't damage each other with their hands and feet, but it made Mio feel a little safer, anyway.

"Good morning," she greeted them pleasantly. She seated herself and glanced at her clipboard. "How are you all today?"

Billy scowled, Borus glared, and Hugo fidgeted. Mio sighed and turned to the Karayan.

"Did you manage to practice any of those techniques I gave you?"

Hugo shrugged. "I didn't really understand most of them. I tried one or two, but then I…forgot." He did not add that he had been hoping he would not have to return here.

"Well, which ones did you try?" Mio asked.

Hugo flushed and stared at the floor. He mumbled something, too softly to make out.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" Mio prodded.

"Thinking of a happy place," Hugo repeated, cheeks red. Billy predictably burst out laughing. Hugo glared at the thief, his hand twitching, but he managed to look away.

"Oh, that's a good technique to use," Mio gushed. "In fact, I think you all should try it. Close your eyes and try to envision everything exactly how you want it to be. It should be a calm place, soothing and welcoming. Go on, close your eyes."

After a moment, they all obeyed. Mio let a few minutes pass before she prompted, "Billy, tell us about your happy place. Without opening your eyes."

Billy cleared his throat. "Well, I'm surrounded by treasure. Gold and silver and statues and stuff."

"Is that all?" Mio pressed.

Billy opened his eyes. "Yeah. Is that a problem?"

Mio shook her head wordlessly before turning to Borus. "What does your happy place look like, Borus?"

"Well, Lady Chris is there."

"What else?"

Borus screwed up his face, thinking hard. "Um…it's just the two of us. I'm her champion. Uh…I just defeated that annoying blond Harmonian."

Hugo burst out laughing and Billy joined in after a moment. Borus opened his eyes to glower at the two. "Hey now! Nobody laughs at _me_," he announced. He stood, but paused to look from one to the other, choosing his target.

"Sure they do. I am, ain't I? You gotta admit, you're pretty pathetic," Billy retorted. Borus lunged at the thief, missing his face by mere millimeters. Billy responded by sweeping the knight's feet out from under him. The blond crashed to the floor, his armor ringing. He stood with a groan, taking an attack stance.

"That's enough," Mio declared. Standing suddenly, she whacked them both on the back of the head with her clipboard. "You're acting like a pair of vicious beasts. This is why you are here, and I won't put up with it any more! Now _sit down!_"

For a moment, all three patients stared in shock. Borus sank slowly into his seat, rubbing at the back of his head before he snatched his hand down. Billy chose to scowl for a moment at the diminutive nurse, and received another smack with the clipboard. Once he was seated, Mio retook her own seat, pasted a pleasant smile on her face, and turned to Hugo.

"Now, Hugo. What does your happy place look like?"

Hugo glanced briefly at the other two patients before resolving to ignore them. "Well, it looks a lot like Karaya before it burned. I'm on a hill where I can see the village. It's sunny and warm, and I'm lying in the grass next to Fubar. And my friends are all there: Lulu , Sgt Joe, Aila, Jimba, Mua, Hallec, Thomas, and everybody else. And nobody is fighting, and the air smells like summer instead of blood." His voice was wistful as he spoke, and his eyes were locked on something far away. For a moment, the Flame Champion had looked paradoxically innocent and wise. Then his face took on an angry cast. "And none of my friends are dead because of stupid ironheads and their stupid white hero."

"Hey you! You're not allowed to disrespect Lady Chris like that!" Borus shouted.

Mio sighed and hung her head. "This seems to be getting in the way of your therapy for obsession. From now on, you, Hugo, are not allowed to say the words 'Lulu' or 'ironheads.' And you, Sir Borus, are not to say 'Lady Chris.' Is that clear to both of you?" She paused to wait for their abashed and stricken nods before continuing. "Now, for the most part you did very well coming up with a happy place. Now that you each have one, you need to learn to summon it whenever you're feeling angry."

"Yeah yeah yeah. Let's just go on to the next technique so we can get out of here," Billy grumbled. Mio sighed but did not protest.

"Okay. Another technique is to take deep breaths until you calm down. Why don't each of you try taking three deep breaths? Breathe in until you can't take in any more air, hold it a moment, and then let it out slowly. Go on."

Each attempted to follow her instructions. Billy inhaled and exhaled loudly, causing Borus to mutter something about oafs who couldn't even breathe quietly. Billy retaliated with a comment about wasted oxygen. Mio broke in to force them to stop and try again, reflecting that she had not expected them to have this much practical need for her techniques so soon. Meanwhile, Hugo was depriving himself of oxygen in an attempt to exhale slowly.

"Alright, stop," Mio ordered. "This does not appear to be working. That's okay, because not every technique will work for every person." She glanced down at her clipboard, drawing a bold line through 'deep breaths' on her list. "Sometimes, it helps to put yourself in the other person's shoes."

"I don't get it. Why would changing footwear help?" Hugo asked, tilting his head.

Mio shook her head. "No no no. I mean, try looking at the situation from the other person's point of view. To take the present example, Billy, why do you suppose Borus is angry at you?"

"Because he's a self-righteous bastard with a stick up his butt," Billy replied promptly.

"Hey now!" Borus protested. Mio raised her voice to talk over him.

"Billy, at least try to do this properly, please. Try to see it from his side."

"I don't wanna see anything from his side. He's a prick."

"Yeah, well, you're an ignorant, unscrupulous, scoundrel," Borus retorted.

"What'd you call me?" Billy demanded, clenching his fists and rising to his feet. The knight stood to match him.

"Boys!" Mio cut in. "Both of you, stop and count to ten. Right now!"

Borus turned away, crossed his arms, and started counting quickly. "One two three…"

"Slower, Borus," Mio chided.

Billy muttered for a minute and then began counting also. "One…two…three…four…five…seven…"

"You missed six," Hugo pointed out helpfully.

"Dim-witted moron can't even count to ten," Borus remarked snidely.

Billy threw his hat at the knight, who dodged it. "Can't throw, either. What _can_ you do?" Borus taunted.

"I'll rip you to pieces and then burgle your fortune," Billy roared, throwing himself at the knight.

"That's enough!" Mio shouted, standing and throwing her clipboard at the wall. "You are two of the most troublesome, inconsiderate, insensitive, bigoted, pair of _men_ I have ever had the misfortune to meet! I've had it. Both of you, get out before I arrange to have you teleported to the middle of the ocean!"

After a moment, they turned and stomped out, shoving at each other to get to the doorway first. Mio dropped back into her chair, put her head in her hands, and sighed. Hugo stood uncertainly for a moment, shifting from foot to foot, and then followed the other two out the door.

After the door shut behind him, Mio took a deep breath and began to count. "One…two…three…four…"

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_Uh...review?_


	12. Extra Session: Speech Therapy

_AN: Sorry guys, but I'm all out of inspiration for this story. My muses have all converted, and it's hard to come up with new material when neither myself nor my roommate is playing the game. I had a lot of fun writing it, but I feel like dragging it out any further would not be beneficial. I apologize if this ruins anyone's day, but I don't think it will._

_A huge thank-you to everybody who reviewed, put me on their favorites, or put me on alert. Help yourselves to a piece of virtual cake. Thanks to the people who read all the way through, as well. Just looking at my hit-counter makes me feel all warm and fuzzy._

_I leave you all with one last little therapy session that I wrote after the fifth chapter and decided not to include. But, since I can't think of any other story material for you, I'm giving you this one. Please excuse the brevity.  
_

_Disclaimer: As much as I might wish otherwise, Suikoden never has been and never will be mine. Just saying that makes me need therapy._

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Speech Therapy:**

For once, the therapy session was not being conducted by Mio. Mio had turned herself over to Tuta, slightly hysterical and lacking her usual calm competence. The doctor had suggested a vacation for his nurse, and sent her off to Zexen for a shopping spree.

Instead, Ernie had charge of a slightly different set of "patients."

"We will start with the basic parts of speech," Ernie said calmly. "Everyone, please read the following sentences aloud as I call on you. Eike, why don't you start?"

"…"

Ernie tilted her head in thought and then glanced away from the silent librarian.

"Watari? You next."

"…" The ninja scowled at the floor.

"Jacques?" Ernie tried not to sound too hopeful

"…" He appeared oblivious to the world around him.

"Ayame?"

"…" The female ninja crossed her arms over his chest and stared defiantly out the window.

"Geddoe?"

"…" The True Lightning Bearer was even more stony-faced that usual, if that was possible.

"Muto?"

"The…woof…"

Ernie sighed, but at least the kobold had _spoken_.

"Thank you, Muto. Sgt. Joe?"

"The quick brown fox, quack, jumped over the lazy white dog, quack."

Ernie, for once, looked like she did not know the answer to a question. She sighed, turned to the fic writer, once again observing everything from a corner.

"Where do I start?"

The fic writer glanced up and said articulately, "…"


End file.
